Fernando Schneider, founder of Projeto Joule
Over the last two years I woke up every morning to live the biggest dream of my professional life.
I must say that not everything was like in a nice dream. I was exhausted, in several different ways. I was physically exhausted, due to endless hours of studies, intensive workload, meetings etc. I was mentally exhausted, having to crack complex problems, having to double process all new information because of the different language, having the constant pressure of deadlines to meet, having the challenge to live as a full-time student with no distinction between personal and academic life. Finally, I was emotionally exhausted, by far the most exhausting form of fatigue. It was really hard to not be able to be myself while using a different language, to go through countless moments of low self-esteem and to be rejected dozens of times in various situations. It was hard to have my mediocrity exposed, especially when compared to the talent of several of my colleagues. It was challenging to be in an environment where almost everyone had more or was better than I: more/better education, more/better experience, more/better opportunities, more money, more ability to learn, better grades etc. And I see no pride in feeling like this, so this is not an attempt to play victim. Exhaustion and these tough experiences indicate that it was not all sweet. Not all classes and teachers were exceptional. Not all the people I met were exceptional. Not all experiences or impressions I had were positive. However, I do not want to dwell on the many difficulties in living my biggest dream, today I want to focus on what all this mean to me.
To finish what I´m about to finish was so important that when I look into myself and think about the future, I feel empty, I fell there´s a hole caused by the accomplishment of my biggest professional dream. It’s like things are not exciting anymore. Of course this is a totally wrong feeling, life goes on and actually starts to get serious right now, but in fact I feel empty every time I reflect on the subject, given the proportion and scale of this accomplishment and what it all meant to me.
For the vast majority of my colleagues this kind of feeling does not make much sense. For many of them, finishing the MBA is just another step on their already successful and rich careers. Completing the MBA was like completing college, high school, getting their first job, or even getting their last job: a necessary step along the way. Perhaps for most people who are reading this, the MBA is also just that, just a step that some choose to take. Definitely not how I feel.
When I got a call from a Tuck representative telling me that I had been approved and also awarded a scholarship, I dropped the phone, my hands shaking, and started to cry. Yes, a 28 year old grown man crying on the telephone because he had been approved for an MBA. The reasons for this lack of emotional control upon receiving that call (and the current emptiness, along with my feelings about the end of my dream) can be explained by my story prior to the day of that call.
A set of unexpected and overwhelming events made the life of my family somewhat complicated. Events that went from my mother’s death when I was still a baby to the financial instability in our home during my childhood and adolescence. In fact, calling our situation an “instability” would be a compliment and an optimistic view.
Without need to dramatize, I think some examples can help to illustrate the feelings that I am trying to describe. For example, there were several times when I saw a representative of utilities companies (water and energy) coming to my house to cut the supply of such services, due to lack of payments. I thought candlelight was cool! I loved to take a shower using a mug. Then I grew up a bit and then there were countless times where I myself would illegally reconnect our energy or water supply as soon as the representative of these companies left my house.
I had a video game. It was second-hand, old, it was donated from someone else. It was already outdated when it came to my hand. My father was able to give me my first bike when I was 14 (and it was stolen less than 1 month after that … I was poor and unlucky). I couldn?t attend most school activities (including graduation party and trips) because we had no money, sometimes even for lunch. Sometimes I skipped school because I had no money for the bus. My books were all second-hand and donated by the school (almost all my books were like “Professor’s Edition”, I had to delete the answers before using them). My father could not afford to enroll me in an English class (I had to try to learn English when I was on my 20?s and when I could pay classes by myself). He could not afford to send me to study abroad (which I did when I was on my 20?s and could pay by myself). He could not afford to help me to learn piano, guitar etc. (I never learned how to play those).
Then, I went to work as a volunteer for my church in several cities of Bahia, an underprivileged state in Brazil. And it helped me to realize how privileged I was. By having a video game (even if it was second-hand), toys, a bicycle (even if I had it for 1 month), energy and water (even when I had to turn them on myself), books (even if they were ?Professor?s Edition?). But even so, I knew that I could and that I had to change my situation.
And that’s when I heard of this ?MBA?. I had the opportunity to hear different people that went through situations similar to mine. They all had gone to the US to pursue an MBA. When I heard their stories, these people were already successful leaders, in businesses and in our society. Those examples were many and the MBA was something so common among them that, in my mind, the MBA had became the only key to leave the poverty behind. I did not know what the “M” or “B” or “A” stood for. But, after meeting those people, I knew that the MBA would be the right path to alter my situation. And it really was!
Because of all those examples and those people, I started to study really hard and started to put a lot of effort towards my education. I finally learned what the “M”, “B” and “A” stood for. I learned what I needed to do in order to be accepted by an MBA school. I learned that an MBA would cost a fortune. I learned where it could take me to. And from there, all my goals and decisions revolved around the dream of an MBA in the US.
Those goals and decisions included events that began when I was 14 and decided to try to enter a technical school. The entrance exam was really tough. This decision not only helped me along my career but also pushed me away from a few friends that by the time were opting for questionable paths, including drugs and other things. Those decisions and goals also included choosing not to use my salary to buy lunch, but rather stay hungry the whole day and use the money to pay a private English teacher and a preparation course to try to get into a top public university (this decision costed me more than 15 pounds). It included choosing to accept an offer to earn less than half of my former salary but in a multinational company where I could learn English and have international experiences (important aspect for an MBA school). It also included deciding to quit this new job and going to work for my dream company, but earning even less, just so I could acquire the credibility I thought I would need in the future to apply for an MBA. It included the decision to leave this job in the company of my dreams to go to a much smaller company, but to develop my leadership skills, which I also thought it would be needed to be accepted into the MBA. It included an austerity plan and strict control of my personal budget, saving money since I got my first salary, to be able to finance my dream. It included the decision to live a much simple life, to save money that would help me pay for the dream. Honestly, all my life and career decisions after I was 14 or 15, were made based on my goal to achieve the dream of doing an MBA and stop being poor. Well, fortunately I stopped being poor (a little less poor) before the MBA, but the reasons for doing it were already different.
So the time to apply finally came. I spent countless hours studying for the required exams. I sacrificed all my weekends and holidays for months. I used my vacation days to study. I spent all my evenings after work studying. I spent a considerable amount of money with teachers and consultants to help me, plus an endless amount of money to apply to several schools. I did and redid the test required by schools 4 times, until I got a minimally decent score (but not even close to be an excellent score), burning more and more cash. I submitted the applications and waited.
The news started to arrive … I was denied by all schools that I applied to!!! I became desperate, and the possibility of not fulfilling my dream left me deeply upset, nervous, unhappy. Then I noticed that up to that point in my life, nothing had been easy, nothing had been achieved in the first attempt, nothing had come without extra effort. For another year I studied, more and more. And I spent money, more and more. I applied again. And the news started to arrive … I was denied by all schools that I applied to, again… until I received the call from the Tuck representative! Perhaps now you can understand why I had tears all over my face.
The MBA is for me the accomplishment of more than 15 years of efforts, goals, dedication, resource allocation. The MBA was the little spark that made me want to change my whole life and that actually made me change it. The MBA was my compass. The MBA for me means much more than a degree. It was a life plan. It was what took me out of my bed in the morning for years in a row. To fulfill this dream is much more than just getting a master of business administration degree. It is a symbol to me of all my decisions, sacrifices, successes and failures, over the last 15, 16 years. It is a reminder of the very difficult years of my early life until the day I had my vision expanded and a reminder of the days full of hope and hard work after that. It is the professional achievement I am most proud of, not because of the title itself, but for everything that sits behind it, from my early years to the present. The MBA course itself, as I said, was made of flowers and thorns. But that does not matter because the MBA for me is not just the last two years, but the last 17, 18, 20 years.
I look back and I cannot help but be grateful for my family, starting with my father, a warrior. I lost my mother but I gained other two, my sisters. And also my wife, who never had the 100% version of me, since I was always studying (I?m not even sure if she wants the 100% version of me). Besides my family, I always think of some people who were very important to me. The great examples that inspired me back there, the old, sweet lady who rented a room for me and who also fed me every day in the morning and nights, during those days when I decided not to eat lunch to save money. I think about other people, former bosses, friends and others who opened doors for me and that helped me with the resources I needed. I think about God, who spared my life (literally), who helped me and inspired me whenever I needed.
And now the dream is over. For over 15 years I woke up every morning to pursue a dream. Over the last two years I woke up every morning to live that dream. Now, nostalgia and joy, emptiness and fulfillment, mingle so strongly in my mind and heart that I cannot think about the next reason why to wake every morning up for. But, the truth is, it doesn?t matter. Now it’s time to celebrate! ?
